A letter to … Dad, who needs to start living again

I want to say sorry. Only in these last few awful months have we realised that Mum was ill and life should not have been this way. We were young when she started the indoctrination. My sister and I found it fun; a girly gossip about your family. We bonded through our dislike of your relatives; Mum always keen to tell us some new treat of information that would be layered on our already warped picture of our aunt, your only sibling, and her children.

We lived far away and had no real experience of them. Mum was keen to paint their lives: every detail and decision used by her to show us how wrong they were, that their values were not ours. We started seeing them as a group, never allowed to know them as individuals.

When we were growing up, it was easier for you not to see it. You went along with Mum's plans in exchange for a painless life, not noticing how little contact you had with your family. The times we did see our cousins, our minds were primed only to see the differences, my sister and I picking up each new morsel of shocking behaviour and bringing it back to her like a gift.

Mum wanted you to sever your family ties; not to see your own sister, your nephews. We closed ranks. If only you knew how much hate your wife had and how she was passing that hate on to us.

When your sister died too young, Mum got what she wanted. No more visits. Our cousins almost adults, no more strained family reunions. It was then that she started on you. It was the small things at first; a night out when you had a little too much to drink, an awayday where you bought the wrong tickets at the train station. All compiled in Mum's head, then passed on to my sister and me as clear evidence of your uselessness. She started not going out with you, blaming you for causing her to live like a hermit.

When you retired and started to do all the things you wanted to, she stepped up the campaign. Your cookery lessons were giggled over. Imagine a 65-year-old wanting to learn how to cook! You rekindled a passion for Spanish, but she would not let you carry on, convincing you that it was stupid and pointless. I saw you trying so hard to make her happy, only to be hurt and confused by her constant criticism and icy condemnation.

Mum's breakdown at Christmas caused us to start painfully talking to each other. You were unused to, and unsure of, opening up to your grown-up daughters, initially hesitant to lay blame, reticent about telling us of how sometimes you had feared getting up in the morning in case you did something wrong. A book placed on the wrong shelf, a pan left to bubble over for a second would spell the end of your day, cursed by Mum's disapproval.

And now we know that Mum's mind is ill, and her treatment has begun, we need also to reinstate your life. It took us all so long to see that she had an illness. Dad, I need to you find your love of life again, to play music and sing out loud, to discover new passions and enjoy long forgotten ones, or even just to let the pan boil over. Lots of love, Anna

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The big society needs a graduate volunteer squad

Properly funded, graduate interns could lead the big society. Photograph: Christopher Furlong/Getty

I'm sure some hardline right-wingers would love to reintroduce conscription to solve the graduate unemployment challenge. But alas, subjecting today's liberal-minded, globally connected graduates to enforced discipline and physical rigour would achieve little more than a revolt.

Young people today are simply more savvy and would never agree to be part of something they cannot personally support. Today we live in a multicultural society where people fight for human equalities and battle with injustice. Yet paradoxically we are presented with the perfect opportunity to reintroduce a new form of voluntary national service.

Over the next few weeks therewill be tens of thousands of young, enthusiastic, often idealistic, clear-thinking graduates entering the job market. Burdened by student debt and brimming with youthful "can do" attitude, this army of talent is there to be tapped.

Unfortunately however, many will find themselves flipping burgers or stacking supermarket shelves. Why, I ask myself, when there are potentially thousands of internship opportunities across the charity and social enterprise sector? The only problem is that the most needy of these grassroots organisations can't afford to pay.

It would not be difficult to extend some of the existing, excellent internship brokerage systems to include a new, big society internship programme.

Just think about it. "Big society interns" could be a kind of cultural land army, helping Britain become more self-sufficient in a time of crisis. Here's how it could work:

1. Existing internship brokers could encourage social, voluntary and community enterprises to list their needs as they transition into this new era.

2. The community and voluntary service movement would be well placed to help them define those roles.

3. The public-sector service commissioners in health, social care and education could fund these six-month placements at 50% of minimum wage.

4. The department for work and pensions could top up to intern pay with the benefits they'd pay them if unemployed.

5. Things get done and we embed within tomorrow's workforce commercial awareness and social conscience.

So perhaps Kitchener's "your country needs you" message is relevant today. There is a war to be won and it's one most graduates will understand and want to fight. We are in a corner as a nation, with debt, poverty and an ageing population all present problems today's generation can relate to.

Why pay graduates benefits to do nothing when with a little imagination and planning, we could create opportunities for them to be paid to battle at the front line of what the government calls "big society"?

• Robert Ashton is a social entrepreneur, best selling business author and increasingly a Big Society troubleshooter

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